Real Alaska Men Choose Respect
Supporting Survivors
Men Can Stop Rape provides excellent free information
sheets including one on what to do if someone tells you they were
raped. Click here to download more of the materials from Men Can Stop Rape.
Here are a few of their tips:
When someone tells you, "I was raped..."
Believe them . Its not your role to question whether a rape occurred.
Help them explore. Don't take charge of the situation and pressure the rape survivor to do what you think they should. Give them the freedom to choose a path of recovery that is most comfortable, even if you would do things differently. There is no "right way" for a survivor to respond after being assaulted.
Listen to them. It is crucial to let survivors know that they can talk when they are ready. Some may not wish to speak immediately, but at some point during the healing process, it is likely that a survivor will come to you for support. When that happens, don't interrupt or inject your feelings. Just listen. Your caring but silent attention will be invaluable.
Never blame them for being assaulted. No one ever deserves to be raped. Not even if they were drunk or high, wore revealing clothes, etc. Let them know "It wasn't your fault."
Ask before you touch. Don't assume that physical contact, even in the form of a gentle touch or hug, will be comforting. Give them the space they need. Try your best not to take it personally. One way to signal your openness to physical comfort is to sit with an open posture and a hand palm up nearby.
Here are a few of their tips:
When someone tells you, "I was raped..."
Believe them . Its not your role to question whether a rape occurred.
Help them explore. Don't take charge of the situation and pressure the rape survivor to do what you think they should. Give them the freedom to choose a path of recovery that is most comfortable, even if you would do things differently. There is no "right way" for a survivor to respond after being assaulted.
Listen to them. It is crucial to let survivors know that they can talk when they are ready. Some may not wish to speak immediately, but at some point during the healing process, it is likely that a survivor will come to you for support. When that happens, don't interrupt or inject your feelings. Just listen. Your caring but silent attention will be invaluable.
Never blame them for being assaulted. No one ever deserves to be raped. Not even if they were drunk or high, wore revealing clothes, etc. Let them know "It wasn't your fault."
Ask before you touch. Don't assume that physical contact, even in the form of a gentle touch or hug, will be comforting. Give them the space they need. Try your best not to take it personally. One way to signal your openness to physical comfort is to sit with an open posture and a hand palm up nearby.
Recognize that you've been assaulted too. We can't help but hurt when someone we love is made to suffer. Don't blame yourself for the many feelings you will have. Common emotional reactions include anger, helplessness, guilt, shock, anxiety, and depression. Being aware of these emotions will help you better understand the survivor's experience and be more supportive.
Get help for yourself. Whether you reach out to another friend, family member, or counselor, make sure you don't go through this alone. Most rape crisis centers, realizing the impact of rape extends far beyond the survivor, offer counseling for family and friends. Suppressing your own feelings will only make you less available to support the survivor.
Get help for yourself. Whether you reach out to another friend, family member, or counselor, make sure you don't go through this alone. Most rape crisis centers, realizing the impact of rape extends far beyond the survivor, offer counseling for family and friends. Suppressing your own feelings will only make you less available to support the survivor.
Boys and Men Healing from Child Sexual Abuse
Boys and Men Healing is a documentary about the epidemic of sexual abuse of boys, the impact on individuals, families and society, and the importance of male survivors healing and speaking out to end child sexual abuse. The film features non-offending male survivors. Whether it was shame, intimacy problems, post-traumatic stress, substance abuse or rage that led to violence, the effects plagued their lives. Yet, each man ultimately chose the arduous task of healing, giving them a voice to reclaim their lives though counseling, support groups and speaking out while taking action toward prevention for other boys. You can order this wonderful, life-changing documentary from www.bigvoicepictures.com